想起李蒨蓉這個名字，浮上腦海的是她亮眼精緻的五官、燦爛的笑容，以及那一口潔白皓齒。偷偷承認，從青少年時期看著MTV頻道中的蒨蓉俐落大方的主持台風，一直以為她的年紀比我稍長，後來因為採訪蒐集她的基本資料，才知道自己以她出道的年資在這些年裡誤會了她的年紀。

前陣子在社群媒體上看到她以自媒體賣美容保養彩妝、在鏡頭前洗頭髮、開直播煮菜，才發現有好一段時間沒看到她在娛樂圈的消息。影像中她散發的氣質與過往不同，於是好奇心驅使上網查詢她的動態，才知道近些年在蒨蓉身上發生的事件與來龍去脈。於是心念一動，讓我有了採訪她的念頭。

這篇採訪文中，沒有聳動的標題，讀不到灑狗血的驚世文、也沒有痛哭流涕的討抱聲援；純粹是我抱著己私，想好好瞭解這位在我心中一直閃耀著光芒的女子。當初那份令人無法直視的耀眼光輝如今成了她眼中的真摯溫暖，讓人想張開雙臂迎上她依舊甜美的微笑。

When I think of the name of Janet Lee, what comes to my mind is her bright and beautiful face with a sweet smile. I used to watch her show on the MTV channel. I thought that she was a little older than me because of her mature and steady manner. Later, because of the interview, I collected her information, I realized that she is younger than me.

A while ago before I had my mind to interview her, I saw Janet presented beauty and make-up products, washed her hair in front of the camera, and cooking via a live cam on her Facebook channel. I found that I had not heard her for a long time. Her quality is different from the past. I was curious to check her update, and I just knew the issues that had happened on her some years ago and the ins and outs. So I had the idea to interview her.

In this interview, there is no dramatic title; you will not read any exaggerated mood text. The interview was purely for myself; I wanted to understand the woman who always sparkles in my mind, and I would like to know what makes her different now.

與西洋音樂一起成長的青少時光

蒨蓉從小就對歐美生活有極大的憧憬。三、四年級開始大量接觸西洋音樂；在那個只有卡帶的年代裡，她幾乎是跟著完全不懂歌詞意義的旋律長大的。「錄音帶裡都有一張折得薄薄的歌詞單，在還沒有開始學美語前，裡頭的英文單字完全不認得，但是都會跟著唱。也準時收看余光的音樂節目，還有最熱門的MTV音樂台。」聽蒨蓉這麼一說，我也笑了；這不就是那個年代我們都懷抱著的美國夢嗎？

後來發行音樂的形式從卡帶轉成CD。不過那個年代，西洋音樂在台灣的發展不如現今，雖然大部分當紅歌手的專輯都可以在唱片行中購買，不過有更多蒨蓉在MTV音樂台裡認識的樂團或歌手的專輯並沒有在台灣發行。迫切想聽歌的她只好準時守著MTV熱門排行榜播放的時刻，同步按下錄音機把最喜歡的歌曲錄下來。由此可以看出蒨蓉對西洋音樂的熱愛。

進入國光藝校就讀之後，MTV音樂台依舊陪伴著蒨蓉的休閒時光。高三那年，MTV正準備進軍台灣市場，蒨蓉與同學一起參加音樂台徵選台灣本土VJ的活動。對蒨蓉來說，似乎透過參加VJ徵選的活動，可以替過往著迷於西洋音樂的嚮往劃上完美的驚嘆號。從初賽進入複賽因為參賽人數眾多與選拔嚴謹，過程十分冗長，不過當蒨蓉得知自己有機會進入總決賽的時候，卻因為機緣巧合必須忍痛放棄出賽評選，只能感到惋惜。

在面臨即將從藝校畢業之時，蒨蓉感到十分迷惘：「不知道自己能做什麼樣的工作。那時候甚至覺得可以到錢櫃打工，先賺取豐厚的時薪再慢慢計畫。」她說話語調悅耳，帶有美妙抑揚頓挫的語氣。如果不說，時刻總是散發耀眼光彩的蒨蓉，令人無法想像青少年時期的她也曾經感到迷惘。

沒想到，當初錯失良機的VJ徵選竟然回頭找上蒨蓉。「我接到一封由MTV音樂台發出的官方公文，通知我正式成為頻道的VJ。真的覺得很不可思議，因為完全沒有人脈背景、也沒有透過關係遊說，竟然可以在錯失之後再次擁有這個機會。」當時的蒨蓉還沒有十八歲，感覺自己與MTV的前輩吳大維、陶君薇等人的距離似乎近了些。

Her teens time

Since childhood, Janet had looked for having a Western lifestyle. She began to listen to a lot of Western music since the third or fourth grades. It was a cassettes time. She grew up with melodies that she even didn't understand the meaning of the lyrics. "There is a sheet of lyrics in the tape. Before I started to learn English, I didn't understand the lyrics, but I followed the songs and sang along. I also watched music programs on time, as well as the most popular program, MTV channel." Listening to Janet saying this, I smiled; isn't that the American dream we all had in that era?

Later, the form of music albums was evolved from a cassette to a CD. However, at that time, the development of Western music in Taiwan was not as good as today. Although we could find the albums of the popular singer's at the record stores; however, more albums that MTV introduced were not published in Taiwan. When Janet was eager to listen to the pop songs, she had to switch on the MTV channel on time and record her favorite songs.

After entering high school ( the former school of National Taiwan College of Performing Arts), MTV channel was still accompanied by Janet's leisure time. In the last year of high school, MTV channel was preparing to enter the Taiwan market. Janet and her classmate participated in the select of local VJ trial. For Janet, it seemed that by participating in the VJ campaign, she could make a perfect mark for the past years for the fascination with Western music. From the preliminary round to the semi-finals, the process took a long time. However, because of the coincidence that Janet had to give up participating in the finals, she could only feel sorry.

Janet felt confused before she graduated from the school: "I did not know what kind of job I could do. At that time, I even felt that I should go to KTV to work, and earn a generous hourly salary and then plan my future slowly." Janet talked pleasingly. If she did not mention it, I could not imagine that she was worried when she was a teenager.

Unexpectedly, the VJ selection that Janet had missed turned back to her. "I received an official document issued by MTV channel and informed me that I officially became the MTV VJ. I really felt incredible that I could have this opportunity again after I missed it." At that time, Janet was not yet 18 years old, and she felt that she was closer to the MTV world.

音樂台的閃耀VJ是進入演藝圈的踏板？

十歲的時候與母親在忠孝東路上遇見星探，讓蒨蓉成為廣告與平面模特兒。第一支拍攝的廣告就是牙膏，小小年記的她在鏡頭前露出一口好牙，這支牙膏所帶動的手勢風潮還讓我記憶猶新。

即使擁有多年在鏡頭前曝光的經驗，她卻從未覺得自己是個公眾人物，甚至在加入了MTV音樂台成為VJ，有許多機會參加大型音樂節目、採訪第一線當紅歌手與樂團，她依舊覺得那些大明星離自己好遠，有著巨大的隔閡。而那些上鏡頭的機會對蒨蓉來說，似乎只是一份尋常的工作罷了。

「就算小時候拍了許多廣告，我也只是個素人模特兒，加上身高不夠高，也以平面雜誌拍攝居多。不過其實我對自己一直很沒有自信，儘管當初成了VJ，也不是為了想當明星，純粹只是為了一圓小時候的夢想。所以也沒有想過後來有機會在演藝圈發展；對以前的我來說，都是很遙遠的想像。」

蒨蓉說，那時候的自己天天接觸大明星，卻感到十分自卑，覺得自己只是個拿著麥克風開場的主持人。因此在工作上並不積極，甚至以一種公務員打卡上下班的心態面對那份人人羨慕的工作。

「現在想起來，那時候太年輕不懂事，心高氣傲也心浮氣躁，對工作沒有熱誠，也無法感受生命的過程，只希望趕快把工作做完交差。面對團隊時也缺少同理心與專業的態度。」蒨蓉說，那時候還不懂得跟鏡頭談戀愛，沒有好好珍惜，實在可惜。

Is VJ a pedal to enter the entertainment industry?

When Janet was ten years old, she met a talent scout on Zhongxiao East Road while shopping with her mother; then she became an model. The first performance was to join a toothpaste advertisement shooting. She showed her nice teeth in front of the camera, and the gesture of the ad reminded me of that time.

Even with years of experience in front of the camera, Janet never felt that she was a public figure. Even after joining the MTV channel to become a VJ, also, she had many opportunities to participate in international music awards and interview the well-known singers and bands; she felt that those superstars were far away from her. Those opportunities and her position seemed to be just an ordinary job.

"Even if I took a lot of advertisements when I was young, I was just an model. I was not tall enough; therefore I shot mostly for magazines. I actually had no confidence in myself. Although I became a VJ, I didn’t want to be a star, it was purely for a dream of my young age. So I did not think that I would have the possibility to develop in the entertainment industry. For me, it was a different world."

Janet said that at that time, she was in contact with all superstars every day, but she was inferior and felt that she was just a host who started the shows. Therefore, she was not active at work; all great chances were only duties for her.

"Now thinking of it, I was too young and ignorant. I felt angry and arrogant. I didn't have the enthusiasm for my work and couldn't enjoy the process of life. I just wanted to finish my work quickly and go home." Janet said that she did not know how to fall in love with herself. It was a pity that she did not cherish everything.

亮麗的自信只是這位女孩的堅強武裝

蒨蓉事後回想，在她接觸演藝圈的時候，生命成熟度並不完整，看似光鮮亮麗的外表下其實只是半桶水，很空心。不過好勝心強、不輕易服輸示弱的她總是以落落大方的武裝來遮掩，其實內心裡根本不是這麼一回事。

「那時候在台面上的張小燕、高怡平、藍心湄還有陶晶瑩等，都已經獨當一面。再看看我自己，只能站在主持大哥身旁陪襯應聲、敲邊鼓，沒有機會表現個人特色。」五年VJ在合約結束之後，進入三台當主持人，站在所有主持界大哥的身旁當花瓶，依舊讓蒨蓉有種不如人的自卑感受。

在結合了自卑與武裝的糾結情懷下，以前「那個李蒨蓉」在螢光幕前的印象慢慢在觀眾心中累積。

女人20 30 40

「我26歲時生第一胎，覺得自己被迫早熟。那時候有很多不甘心與不甘願，當初所發生的事都不在我的人生計畫中。」17歲到22歲的蒨蓉在MTV音樂台工作，後來進入演藝圈，直到26歲進入家庭。在演藝圈四年當中，她有很多機會嘗試不同的工作，拍戲、主持節目以及廣告代言等。對蒨蓉而言，她想把握所有好的機會、也都想嘗試。不過突然懷孕之後，所有的進展都得被迫終止，扭轉生活。

「其實在心態上很矛盾。把小孩子抱在懷中的時候當然感受到幸福與甜蜜；不過當我想到那些好朋友們都還享受著快樂的單身生活、依舊瀟灑自在時，就覺得自己被家庭、還有身為母親的責任給束縛了。我根本沒有準備好要承擔這一切。」從懷孕到連續生下兩胎，那三年時間對蒨蓉來說是痛苦的。個性堅強的她不願示弱，就連產後感到憂鬱也極力地壓抑著那份低潮的情緒。

多年後，兩個孩子都已經長大，生活與家庭也都規律運作著，蒨蓉反而慶幸現在的自己依舊年輕、很有活力，有充裕的時間與精力發展自己的工作、計畫接下來的人生。

「我常鼓勵朋友，生活中必然有些困難、覺得痛苦，不過我們要先往遠處想，先想想未來。如果當初自己也可以用不同心態看待育兒那段時光，相信所有事情會有不同的轉變。」蒨蓉說這些話時，眼中盡是溫柔與舒坦。現在的她勇於坦承自己的不足，懂得釋放自己的情緒，不再包裝或是武裝自己只為了迎合大眾的期待或標準。不再在乎旁人眼光的她，找回了自己生活的平衡點；這便是她顯現出與過往有著不同氣質的最主要原因。

The Confidence was just a disguise

She recalled afterward that when she entered the entertainment industry, her mind was not mature enough. Under the glamorous appearance, it was actually empty. However, she was aggressive, and she did not like to lose; therefore she had always hidden behind her taugh disguise.

"At that time, many female presenters had already worked on their own. I looked at myself, I was just another pretty face, and I had no chance to express my personality and thoughts." After the contract with MTV channel was over, Janet entered the entertainment industry as a host, and she felt inferior.

Under the entanglement of inferiority complex and her disguise, the impression of "Janet Lee" slowly accumulated in the mind of the audience.

Woman 20 30 40

"I gave birth to my first child when I was 26 years old. I felt that I was forced to be mature prematurely. Therefore I was reluctant and unwilling. What happened was not in my plan." From the age of 17 to 22, Janet worked at the MTV channel and later entered the entertainment industry until she was 26 years old. In the four years working in the entertainment industry, she had many opportunities to try different tasks, filming, hosting shows and advertisings. For Janet, she wanted to take all the possibilities, but after the unexpected pregnancy, all the work had to be terminated, and life had changed suddenly.

"My mind was contradictory. When I held my baby in my arms, I certainly felt joy and sweetness. But when I thought that my friends still enjoyed their single happy life, I felt that I was bound by the family and the responsibility of being a mother. I was not prepared to take on all of this." From pregnancy to the birth of two babies, the three years was depressing for Janet. However, she did not like to show her weak side to others. Even when she felt depressed after childbirth, she tries to suppress the low mood.

After many years, her two children have grown up, and both her life and family are running regularly. Janet is glad that she is still young and energetic, and has plenty of time and energy to develop her work and life.

"I often encourage my friends. There must be some difficulties and pains in life. But we must first think about the future. If I could treat the childcare time with a different attitude at the beginning, I believe that all things would become different." When Janet talked about it, her eyes showed tenderness and sympathy. Now she has the courage to tell her deficiencies, know how to release her emotions, no longer to disguise herself to cater to the expectations or standards of the public. She finds the balance of life; this is the most important reason why she has a different temperament from the past.

女人該如何愛自己

以前「好好愛自己」對女人們來說是個鼓勵自己的口號，現在女人的自主意識已經提高許多；不過對蒨蓉來說，包括她自己在內的女多人都已經扭曲這個觀念了。

「與其說好好愛自己，不如說我們（女人）該怎麼選擇以哪一種態度過生活。人生到了某個程度、某個階段後，是無法往回退、無法重來的。成家的，對另一半感到厭煩、覺得孩子綁住了自己的青春；單身者抱怨生活寂寞、感到孤單。可是我們都忘了，這都是當初的選擇。所以下決定的時候就應該清楚後果會是什麼。我以前就不懂得這個道理，只知道抱怨、說嘴。」

蒨蓉覺得，以前的自己對生活不滿足，便以物慾來滿足內心裡的空虛感。工作上的收入只拿來做奢華消費，每天想著吃美食料理、上星級餐館，如果有熱門的度假景點，就計畫和朋友外出旅行。

「後來我發現，不管如何，回到家之後卻感到更空虛、更不滿足。因為永遠都有吃不完的美食、有更好玩的地方、有更新的服飾配件，永遠都追不完。」以前只想著讓自己快活，現在的蒨蓉選擇活在當下、珍惜眼前的生活。過往那種空虛追逐的日子，並不是真正的愛自己。

讓蒨蓉改變最大的原因是，她不再在乎別人看自己的眼光，觀念改變後，因為沒有比較，所以內心裡的安全感就很強大。而且這份安全感是來自自己，而不是藉由物質或是依靠別人才能獲得。

「當我理解這個道理後，才發現現在的生活方式才是真的愛自己。工作上的收入開始幫忙家用，拿一個環保袋也很自在、不必追求最新的包款。可以跟朋友一起旅行還是很美好，不過並不是為了玩而玩，有時候光是用想的也可以很開心。所以不管單身或是已經成家、不管生活優渥或是忙碌，把心態放在當下、把眼光放在未來，懂得釋放自己，我覺得這才是好好愛自己。」

當然，現在社會因為媒體、廣告的推播，塑造出女人應該藉由滿足物慾來愛自己，使得女人對虛幻、光鮮亮麗的生活擁有了無限的憧憬。同時，社會對我們有太多的期待與要求：在幾歲之前要賺進第一桶金，每天看著社群上的網紅來比較自己的穿著打扮、身材長相，甚至是孩子的成長發育、課業成績等都被納入評比中。我們或許真得很難擺脫世俗的框架，不過還是得以自己的生活標準為重、以自己為主，才能過上更輕鬆的人生。

How do women love themselves

In the past, "Love yourself" was a slogan for women. Now women's sense of independence has improved a lot; but for many women, including Janet herself, have distorted this concept.

"It is better to say that we (women) should choose to live in a different attitude. Going back to before is impossible. When you are married, you feel bored with your partner and ordinary life; you feel that your children limit your growth. On the other side, single people complain about loneliness. But we all forget that this is all about our choices. We should understand what results will be before we make decisions. I didn’t realize this point and only complained."

Janet was not satisfied with life, and she filled the emptiness with material desires. She spent her income only on luxurious consumption. Every day, she wanted to enjoy gourmet or star-rated restaurants, and if she found popular holiday locations, she planned to travel with her friends.

"Later, I found out that no matter what I did, I still felt empty and unsatisfied after I got home. Because there will always be endless food, more fun places, and new clothing and accessories; there will never be an end." She used to think about making herself happy. Now, Janet chooses to live in the present and cherishes her daily life. The former lifestyle she had was not loving herself.

The most reason that why Janet improved her attitude was that she no longer cares about how others judge her. After changing her thoughts, her sense of security has enhanced. And this sense of security comes from herself, not through the material or relying on others.

"When I understood this truth, I realized that my current lifestyle is the best way to love myself. I started to share my income to pay the expenses for my family. I feel very comfortable to carry an eco-friendly reusable bag and not worry about not to get the newest bags from high-end brands. Traveling with friends is still very good, but not only to show off. Sometimes I can be happy if I think about travel plans. So whether you are single or have a family, no matter you are rich or short of money, set your mind in the present and look forward to the future; I think this is how we can love ourselves."

Nowadays, because of the promotion of media and advertisements, the society has created that women should love themselves by satisfying material desires, and make women have unlimited envy of illusory, glamorous life. At the same time, society has too many expectations and demands on us: enough saving in the bank; comparing yourself to those influencers on the social media, and even to compare the child’s growth and development. It is hard to get rid of the secular standard, but we can still live in a relaxed life by focusing on our standards and ourselves.

信仰

回歸到最初，讓蒨蓉放下一切、不再比較，而是從充實自己生活開始的，便是虔誠的信仰。「在過去遭受的挫折中，有很多就算努力都無法改變的事。過去那三年來的沈寂讓我調整了心態以及與他人應對的態度，也有很多方面的改變是無法用言語形容的。那時候幾乎感覺不到明天、常常想放棄，不過信仰給了我很大的幫助與力量。」

事件發生之後，一位信教的女士與蒨蓉接觸，帶領她進入信仰的世界中；那對蒨蓉來說彷彿是在大海中抓到了一根浮木，讓她緊緊抓住有個浮出水面換氣的機會。

「在第一次聚會中，黃國倫老師就在現場。當他唱出幾首我根本沒有聽過的美妙旋律後，感到前所未有的釋放，讓我淚如雨下。覺得終於可以放下武裝的肩膀、緊張的情緒與自卑的情懷，感到無比的放鬆。」蒨蓉形容當初接觸信仰的經驗時，神情先是嚴肅，隨之而來的是明亮光彩的自在。

宗教信仰或許是個讓我們以不同角度看待事物的媒介。蒨蓉卻從不斷檢視自己的過程中得到釋放、重新找回自己，相信自己。

Faith

Backtracking to the beginning, after having her religion, Janet put everything down and try to run her life. "In the past, many things can't be changed. The stillness in the past three years has allowed me to adjust my mentality and attitude. There are also many changes that I can not describe in words. At that time I felt that there was no tomorrow and I often wanted to give up. But the faith has given me a lot of help and strength."

After the case, a lady contacted Janet and led her into the world of religion. For Janet, it seemed to catch driftwood in the sea, so that she could hold on and to breathe.

"In the first meeting, Mr. Kuo-lun Huang (a musician basic in Taiwan) was also there. When he sang a few beautiful melodies that I had never heard before, I felt free, and it made me cry. I felt that I could finally put down my guise, repressed emotion and inferior feelings. I felt incomparably relaxed." When Janet described the experience of being exposed to the new religion, her look was first serious, followed by bright and happy freedom.

Religion may be a medium for us to look at things from different points. Janet has been released from the process of constantly reviewing herself, rediscovering herself and believing in herself.

跌倒從不是失敗；重新站起來才有機會開始

再次引起我注意蒨蓉的消息，便是她在自媒體上賣美容彩妝品的影像。從以前的暢銷美容書籍到最近的「連續101天美麗分享」，美容是如何在一開始進入蒨蓉的生活與工作中呢？

小時候的蒨蓉因為喜歡西洋音樂，所以都會到書店購買進口雜誌。從不同版本與設計的各國雜誌中，她不僅可以學習新的英文單字，同時也獲得許多時尚與美容的知識靈感。利用剪報、拼貼的方式把喜歡的雜誌內容保留下來，正是在日後啟發她撰寫美容書的靈感。

「其實我私底下的保養方式很普通，不過那時候出版市場上撰寫美容書的人不多，所以銷量很好，在美妝上的研究也獲得大家的肯定，才會有美容教主的稱號出現；對我來說，也有一種使命感。」

在2015年事件發生之後，蒨蓉從螢光幕前退出一段不算短的時間，也同時失去所有工作機會。她便思考如何從一個被動等待的位置成為一個主動出發的角色。

「那時候沒有辦法得到廠商的合作，也不會有節目找我主持。不過這幾年自媒體的影響力越來越大，或許對我來說是個機會。大家對我在美妝上的專業有一定的信賴，所以開始寫連續101天美麗分享，回應到剛開始出書的初衷。介紹的產品都沒有任何合作關係，是自己生活中持續使用的好物，除了介紹使用心得外，也帶進生活中的小故事。沒想到引起讀者很好的迴響，讓我有正式回歸大眾的機會。」

有了信仰上的精神寄託，重新回歸線上的蒨蓉呈現出不同的質感與形象；社群媒體上的讀者與粉絲也都注意到了，並且給予正面的回應與鼓勵。開始，蒨蓉以美妝和大眾有了正向的互動，廠商也願意合作行銷，蒨蓉計畫中的美妝商店也開始營運。

這個新開始得來不易，讓蒨蓉格外珍惜。她敬業、尊重每個合作的品牌，放下過往高傲的脾氣，以同理心與廠商合作，這樣的結果不僅漸漸得到其他品牌青睞，也讓粉絲對她刮目相看。

「我不再把自己設定為藝人或是明星，過去那些形象都把我綁住了。現在的我已經四十歲，來到人生另一個階段，不想再重複以前2、30歲時做的事情。我很珍惜所有的工作機會，有了心安理得的收入十分踏實。雖然沒有遠大的雄心壯志，但是希望慢慢醞釀現在的事業。過去的驕傲是需要被磨掉、被修掉的；希望可以用現在真實、自在的模樣繼續走下去，才可以走­得更長遠。」

成為母親多年之後

早婚年輕生子的蒨蓉現在十分享受家庭生活的凝聚力。正值青少年時期的兩個兒子活潑充滿動力，不過因為跟著蒨蓉的信仰，在教會的洗禮下，兩個大男生顯得單純、樂觀。

「孩子當然都會有些幼稚的行為或是想法，不過只要是在合理的範圍內，我都會讓他們自由發展，以從旁提醒的方法陪著他們成長。我很慶幸自己的改變也給孩子帶來正向的影響。」現在努力經營自媒體的蒨蓉常常與孩子分享直播的心得，兩個兒子會跟蒨蓉討論他們的想法與觀察；的確是一個好的管道讓親子間有更好的瞭解與互動。

Falling is not a failure; once you stand up, you have a chance to start.

I noticed that Janet’s new update was because she was selling beauty and cosmetic products on her Facebook page. From her previous best-selling beauty books to the recent "101 days of beautiful Tips", how did she start running her career with beauty?

Since she was a child, she has loved Western music, so she went to bookstores to buy international magazines. She collected different editions and designs and learned new English vocabularies from them. She also got inspiration for fashion and beauty. She used the scrapbooking to keep the content of her favorite magazines, which inspired her to edit beauty books later.

"Actually, my private beauty care routine is simple. But at that time there were not many people writing beauty books, so we had good sales. Everyone affirmed my effort on beauty, and it was also the reason others called me a beauty guru. The title gave me a sense of mission."

After the case in 2015, Janet withdrew from the public for a long time and lost all job opportunities. Later, she thought about how to start something again.

"At that time, there was no way to get any cooperation or job. But in recent years, the influence of social media has become more and more important; I thought, perhaps it is an opportunity for me. Everyone affirmed my effort on beauty, so I started to share 101 days of beautiful tips on my own channel. The products I introduced had no commercial partnership, and are good things that I use continuously in my daily life. In addition to introducing my experience, I also brought in my special little stories. I did not expect to receive such good feedback from my readers. Later, I have opportunities slowly to return to the public."

Coming back to the public, Janet has a different quality and image; readers and fans in the social media have also noticed and given positive feedback and encouragement. Gradually, brands are willing to cooperate with her. Her online beauty store is also in operation.

It was hard to start a new beginning, and Janet is especially cherished. She works hard, respects every cooperated partner. Her attitude not only gradually wins favor from other brands, but also makes fans support her.

"I no longer set myself as an artist or a star. In the past, those images had tied me. Now I am forty years old and come to another stage of my life. I don't want to repeat what I did when I was 20 or 30 years old. I cherish all opportunities and have my feet on the ground. Although I don't have great ambitions, I hope to brew my current career slowly. I hope that I can live with my true character and attitude which will allow me to go longer."

Being a mother

When Janet was still young, she married and gave birth to two boys. Now, she enjoys the relationship with her family. Her two boys are active and energetic; however, because of following the belief with Janet, the two boys are easy and positive.

"Children will, of course, have some childish behaviors or ideas, but as long as the reasons are understandable, I let them develop freely and accompany them to grow up. I am glad that my changes have also influenced the children.” Janet, who is now working hard with her media channel, often shares her experience with the children. The two sons also discuss their thoughts and observations with Janet. It is indeed a great way to make parents and children get a better understanding and interaction with each other.

現在的李蒨蓉

自己從輕少年時期看著蒨蓉在VJ那段時光中發光，她陽光燦爛、說著流利英文的大方台風是我這個鄉下孩子望塵莫及的。一直以為她有著風光亮麗的個性，才知道在人前的她辛苦地撐著武裝才不讓自己感到害怕、失去自信。

「過去的生活經驗會帶來很大的影響，就算以為沒事，其實時刻都動搖著我們。不過我現在學會回頭看自己，以不帶傷害、不挖瘡疤的態度重新面對往事，好好檢視自己，才能獲得真正的釋放。」

與蒨蓉的採訪長達兩個多小時，她直言那段低潮的過往，毫不扭捏造做。面對我的提問，也大方回覆、詳細說明。如果不是我還有約得事先離開，肯定還能多聊上一段時間。我跟蒨蓉說自己從過往對她的喜愛，如今有機會與她碰面採訪，內心裡十分激動。她笑說我顯得鎮定，這哪是激動的模樣。

是的，我的確是激動的，一直到如今寫著這篇採訪內文時，依舊覺得是個十分難得的機會。我們都說「不要害怕失敗，跌倒了再站起來就好了」，這樣的話其實輕如鴻毛，因為跌下的痛楚都不是旁人可以輕易理解的；而忍著痛、忍著難為情再站起來的勇氣也是難以想像、無法言語。蒨蓉感謝上天讓她在三年前受挫，才有機會認清自己的生活、打破一切重新開始。如今的她依舊亮麗，對我來說她就是當初那個讓人仰慕的美麗女子，不過在那份美麗中多了一份踏實的自信，那是一種知道不足仍舊努力的累積再現。

A refreshed Janet Lee

From my teen-hood, I had watched Janet shined since she worked as a VJ. Her sunny, bright style and fluent English always had put me to shame. I always thought that she had a beautiful life; in fact, she had no self-confidence and always tried to pretend to be strong.

"The past life experience actually has a great impact on us. Even if we think it's okay, it always affects us all the time. Now I learn to look at myself and face the past without hurting or blaming. Take a good consider at yourself to get real freedom."

The Interview took more than two hours. Janet bluntly shared her ups and downs. She answered all my questions sincerely. I had to leave for the next meeting; otherwise, we would definitely talk longer. I told Janet that I have always admired her, and I was so excited to meet her for the interview. She laughed and said that I looked calm, which was not showing exciting.

Yes, I was excited and inspired. I still feel that it was an excellent opportunity to meet her in person. We all said, "Don't be afraid of failure. If you fall and then stand up again, it will be fine." It is actually too rash. Because others do not easily understand the pain, it is hard to imagine about the hurt and embarrassment. Janet appreciated what had happened three years ago and then had the opportunity to improve her life. For me, she is as beautiful as the lovely young VJ at the time. But now, she has a sense of charm that she has learned and developed from her life which represents her efforts and sincere.